so much on my mind

i have so much on my mind...both good and bad.....first i want to say haters are gonna hate, and sometimes haters show up in familiar disguises, i am going to say if you don't like the way someone conducts themselves, and you go down to a mean hurtful level and do fucked up shit to them, you are worse than they are...cuz you preach about knowing better and being better and the reality is you are the shit.....i told some family members a long time ago that they need to stop looking down the noses of everyone and thinking they are the only right ones and the way they live their lives is the way everyone should.....it sucks when you get hit in the face with your own spit......and this is for my niece who if she truly was an adult and a loving person as they claim to be , when you and my children where plotting for my kids to come and live there, you as the adult should have called me first , sit down with me and had a decision....but that never happened did it,,,,i was given your fucking rules after the fact....and one of the reasons that i let them go is called a life lesson in the grass is not always greener and they got it....and they are growing up to be the responsible  children that i raised...i know you would like to take credit for them being the way that they are......but here is the news flash doll, i raised them not you.....and look at your own children not mine.....you think you did me a favor , you did no such thing....so if you think you did anything to help me you didn't....you just made it worse.....and i will never ever forgive you, because you ripped my allie from me.....and i can only hope that someday someone pays you in kind, so you can know how it feels.....i am sorry that you always feel the need to cry with 2 loaves of bread under your arms.....you will never be happy as long as money rules your world.....and what's the matter baby you having a tough time, well her is the answer to you remember the day i told you they were foreclosing on my house and you told me every body needed to cut back, that you even had to let you cleaning lady go.....that's your mind sent....you talk about me with money.....once again go to the mirror boy.....and thanks for inviting me for easter..don't worry love i will never set foot in your house again.......and joey, you are nothing but a bully, you should mind your own business.....i have to say i don't like you all that much right now, and this might be the final straw......john and christine were nothing but good to you.....and yes getting my kids through college is the most important thing to me and john.....you should be ashamed of yourself and how do you still live there, have you no conscience,,,,,and patti you surprised me the most.....all you people need to mind your own business......maybe my mother was right about the lot of some of you.....and just like you care about your kids, i care about mine, and what you did was make an already difficult situation worse....i hope you are happy and you can sleep at night cuz what you and my brother hatched up was disgusting,,,,and you forget that you haven't even spoken in years, that when my sister died he had to ask permission to come to the wake.....and as for robert, when you play the stock market you win some and you lose some.....i used to think i had the greatest family in the world.....but the reality is and i have always said it is only about the money.....and you have all been more then kind and generous to me all my life, but i am always getting it thrown up in my face, a very hefty price to pay.......right not if i never see the lot of you it would be fine.....the only one that i will take care of is my sister joann, she is the only one who always know how to mind her own.....and patti when you talked about the guardian papers, it is cuz your daughter is so paranoid about the world.....and what they are going to find out,,,,,i did not give up any rights.....i just signed a paper allowing my daughter to live there and for bringing that up you can go fuck yourself......it must be raining spit in monmouth county these days........i have made mistakes and i will continue to make them, but your children have never made a mistake or done anything wrong in theirs lives, tell me when is the viewing of the walking on the water cuz i would love to be there....i have paid back to karma many times in my life and most of the time i knew what i was paying for.......it is so much fun to watch come around......i lie in my own bed of my own making good or bad......but i have never stood in judgement of your people, cuz ummmmmmit;s not my business,,,,,,oh here is a big news flash john and darleen and others, if it weren't for you mother and father, you wouldn't have a business, you would have nothing......and if you are in trouble of losing your house, well join the club it is a big one, and just like i am to blame for what happened to me, you are to blame for your shit......

i am trying to move on , another reason i moved 200 miles away.....i have things i want to do and i am doing what i can......unlike you i fight my demons every day, and no matter how far i fell or will fall i will pick myself up and carry on.....darl you better pray nothing ever happens to your husband cuz you wouldn't last 2 minutes........and i would love for every negative, not helping matter thing you have said and done to me , be put upon you........and the balls of you to charge my children $800 a month to live there......what you can't afford the payments anymore, maybe you shouldn't have bought so many brown things and you would have money.......god how you could love some people so much and wake up one day with just indifference towards them, not even hate, just indifference, like you really don't matter, cuz you all cuz me way to much stress......and you are not worth it.........i would rather have nothing, then have to deal with all of you.....and joey i know all about you good and bad, you turn on people like a dime......god help you......cuz you wil never stop being miserable and spreading it........i was born alone and i will die that way...but i will be happy living in my little world......i wish you all what i wish for me nothing more nothing less....

keep kalm and karry on....

keep calm and carry on.....i have been doing it for years aka the game of life, survivor etc.....so what does one do on good friday when they never ever bought into that papal crap that came out of europe in which i can only say the fucking dark ages.......and please tell me it isn't true that the candy is just a bribe.....remember what your parents told you about taking candy from strangers......do you ever fucking wonder how much money corporate america is making off of chocolate easter bunnies......c'on the peeps alone...(nuke for about 10 seconds) awesome.....anyhoo 3 of my  favorite things are in the picture......fashionstying, cards and books.....and yeah i am going to have real printed out photos of my art work and sell them as cards.....i will post where ever people buy things.....and i have paypal......ok so i goT 2 SAD letters today, one that says the bank of america is something something foreclosing on my house, which i find real funny cuz i have been in foreclose process for 4 years now with what ever was that corrupt one{gee that narrowed it down} with washington in there name, you the one that when the shit hit the fan took the largest payout/bonus in corporate history....you 2 fuckers fight it out, you can have it.....just be gone already, i walked away a while ago....i was done before you.....and the other exciting letter is that my unemployment is going to end....but that only means i just have to figure out more ways to earn money....and i do and don;t want to leave the flea market cuz i do make money there, but i have no way of getting there anymore....swear to god true story one of the ladies that picked me up was arrested as she already had an ankle bracelet on her leg and is being held on 250k bail along with her husband another 250k.....and i don;t feel sorry for one bit....greed is not good.....really people, haven;t you all learned that by now....i swear i have seen things that no nyc girl has seen before, and man, i have seen a lot in this life......but i digress so i need transportation, the bus system is only good on sat and i could get a half a day in at best.....but better then nothing........now i really wish my friend carole was here so i could talk to her as i organize my creative space......and sewing and paper, will have separate areas in the house......i think i better add another picture or something and i only use my own.......

look more books ........i love to read and have been catching up on reading cuz i love to read.....now i just finished reading this morning "miss peregrine home for peculiar children" and all i am saying is that i wanted a better ending.......i thought it was an interesting read ...and i loved the old photos's being a collector of them.....but i still wanted a different ending.  i did come up with a few of my own, but dumb me didn;t realize that the book was about time travel.....i see a second book....until the end.....i kind of wanted the kid to be a total loon.....but i think the government already did time travel in the late 50's i think something about monkey's...if my memory serves me well......i think i will go and read L.frank baum.....i think he know  thing or 2 about time travel.....do i go too much, if i was talking to you in person, this pretty much what i would be saying and talking.....ask anyone of the people that know me....whether they like me or not....cuz if you don;t like me that means i stood up for myself and you couldn't handle it....so now you hate on me......news flash i am too small to hate, so i wish everyone in this world the same as i wish for me......and most of yar i don't even think about and time fades lots........i am writing like i am in one of my manic states....oh gee i am////////what joy///////.....i will continue next time.....carry on and keep calm...

is there a song about wednesday's



shema

this is my little kitty cat....i sometimes call her lil bit, cuz she is so small compared to princess and bear.....she is the smartest, funniest cat i ever had....she could be part human, but i don;t think science has done that yet.....

anyway off to finish reading this great book....the one about ms peregrine's home for peculiar children.....so far so good.....i am in reading mode......

and i made/baked this great chocolate from heaven dessert.....1 box of yellow cake mix, musselman;s chocolate filling, a half  bag of coconut flakes and shivered almonds.....mix all in a cake pan......heat oven 350....bake til done stick fork or toothpick in when it comes out clean it is done.....spoon and serve or if you really want add some real whip cream or ice cream.........mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

toxic

this was a smiling happy, not a care in the world me....this is when i first came to sugarman's.....and boy have my thoughts on people changed and i am going to name names know and i hope you all read this cuz i want the world to know what scumbags really are......first let me start off by saying that the people that live in this little neck of the woods that i have come to live in need to find something else to do with their lives except talk about other people and try to take what ever you have cuz , you know what i don't know why.....first i want to say ron darling, you are the biggest phoney of them all.....i am a straight women and i am more gay then you will ever be....you need to learn how to keep you big fucking mouth shut,cuz shit just keeps poring out of it....i saw how you treated sheila, so when you back stabbed me i got it...that is what you do, cuz you are jealous of everyone that does good, you begrudge people everything and you are the biggest crybaby.....maybe you should learn how to be a man cuz you act like a child.....you caused more trouble with me, you were jealous of the relationship that i had with floyd so you opened up that mouth of yours to cause trouble, you talked about him behind his back, and said a lot if not nice things, and even when i asked you to stop telling me shit you continued on.....what was the problem i liked him more then you.....so you created chaos where none existed and goaded me on.....cuz you thrive on that....maybe that why your sister doesn't speak to you and you have no family....i know what my shortcomings are and my defects of character are,,,you think you are a snob, but your nothing but a little snot......and do me favor when people ask about me say nothing turn your face like you did to me that day.....and stop spreading rumors you are good for that too.....and will your at it stop gossiping about everyone, cuz it is going to bite you in the ass , and i hope it is sooner or later.....done with you....

now let's more on to fast eddie, let's see i needed a car, you found out that i lent floyd money and you were the one that told me about the magistrate, to get my money back and you would get me a car....i should have remembered what a slime you were from the first weekend that i was up there, cuz you told me i should be a hooker.....and i gave you a piece of my ny mind......so with you and ron pushing me to get my money from floyd, you because you wanted my money and ron , and we are done with him, but he couldn't stand the relationship......and what i winded up doing was losing one of the only friends i had up here, treated him badly, embassed him,i made a fool out of myself cuz one ws greedy and the other was jealous.......then to make matter worse ed, you doubled the price of the car, just so you can have the money that i freely lent floyd.....and by the way i don't understand how all of you say the nastiest things behind people's backs and when they are in front of you , you are all smiley.....and 2 weeks later the car blows up and you don't even say your sorry, and when another friend tells you you should give me the money you made off of the car, you play dumb.....karma got me for what i did to floyd and i can't wait till karma catches up with you......so i was stupid enough to listen to the both of you......and guess what you couldn't shine floyd's shoes.......you want this taught me is that i never want to be like either of you......i would rather stay crazy ole me and live through my heart.....then live through my wallet.....see here is the thing.....i come from a great family and i will never do without, and their is always someone that has my back....is that what your problem is....i am woman and i have more balls then the both of you put together as a matter of fact my balls are so big i have to put them on my chest to keep from chafing......and you know what i find even more amusing is that you can't even look me in the eye and i will stare both you motherfuckers down........you were never my friend cuz you don't know the meaning of the word......and ron if you think i disrespected you maybe you deserved it and someone had to do it and i was lucky it was me.....cuz you are a phoney to everyone i have seen it in action......i will forgive the both of you, because the forgiveness is for me, but i will never forget.....and you really do have to watch out for italians from brooklyn cuz

what i have been reading....

i love to read..i think reading is one of the greatest gifts....and i will say that i have learned more from reading books that i ever learned in school.....and got into constant fights in any class that taught history.....cuz all those teachers lied or didn't read enough books on the subject......            i can understand people that can't read i can teach you...and i have come across many how can't....but won't i don't understand is people who DON'T read.....one of the best things about my childhood was a newspaper we got every month, and you can order books and only books and every month i was allowed to order 5 books... i had a father who bought me books, a truly smart man.....and thank you for giving me the love of books and reading.....just a side note the people that have had to move my books for me not so happy that i love to read.......

anyway last week i read this bio on chanel.....i think she was a wonderful artist, i would say ahead of her time but i have read many books from that era and it was just TIME.....i would say that she was a genius, but come on she didn't split the atom.....she just invented and sold a style of dressing that still exists....but some fun....she didn't own chanel #5....she had some fun friends that i would have love to hang out with.....she was generous to her friends and family most of her life......and sipped a lot of tea with the nazi;s.......i am just saying.......and i would love to own anything that she made.....but in my life it would kind of be chanel car, chanel car, and i would have to say the car will win.........

the next book i read was about the imperial royal russian family the romanovs.....let me just say this they all died that fateful night, the whole family.....it was not a good night for the romanovs and their loyal servants......lenin was mean....it was proven with DNA....any one that claimed to be part of the royal dead family is nothing but a lair.....i am starting to read "miss peregrine's home for peculiar children.....and all things oz......get off the internet and crack open a real book.......

ebay.....

just a short little note to say that i am listing some stuff for sale on ebay.....my ebay name is fabrika57 come and take a look....

this is my life......

i posted the fall out shelter cuz when i get done with a few of the scumbags from sugarman's flea market, their going to need it....not pulling any punches and i have no problem naming names....but i have never met such a bunch of lowlives in my life, and you all know who i mean....they'll stab their own mother's in the back for a dollar....all i can say is i paid karma, hope i can be around to watch it be paid back.....and be careful who you ask for help, cuz their are so many thieves up here in good ole PA.....snake you are a snake and a thief and will remain a junkie for the rest of your life....cuz that's just who you are....once again karma needs to pay someone a visit, and if i ever see someone in this area with my boots on i will rip them off their fucking feet with no problem.....i am sorry that all you people never had anything in your lives, and the only way to get it is to steal.....here is the good news as long as i am not the stealer all is good.....cuz i am one of the have's......and let me tell you what i have that most of you will never have and suffer from lack of... A FAMILY THAT LOVES ME AND WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ME..... I AM BLESSED and your not.....too bad......and if most of you were on fire and i had a glass of water, i'd drink it......

now for the good news i am listening to the one and only johnny thunders......the king of punk.....love you baby and you were taken way too soon..... cleaning up my studio and can't wait til i can start to work in it....i am planning on making ooak (one of a kind) children's clothing line , from vintage clothing and fabric, just have to find a place to sell them, cuz they would never go for the selling point at sugarman's.....speaking of which god please open another door for me and let me have the courage and faith to walk through it cuz the flea market is getting real tired , if you know what i mean.....it was a blast , oh yeah and now it is time to find something new......i need to be around creative people and not money hunger people......

and i know today is friday the first day that sugarman's is open on a friday and i rather be at home cleaning my studio then there....you can all tell me how it went tomorrow......but i can't be there any longer then i have too.....it messes with my peace of mind....but getting back to it's friday i am making porkchops with apples, onions and mushrooms, with real mash potatoes....know the catholics skin just crawled.....but when i die i think the last thing god is going to take into consideration is my diet.......