i have so much on my mind...both good and bad.....first i want to say haters are gonna hate, and sometimes haters show up in familiar disguises, i am going to say if you don't like the way someone conducts themselves, and you go down to a mean hurtful level and do fucked up shit to them, you are worse than they are...cuz you preach about knowing better and being better and the reality is you are the shit.....i told some family members a long time ago that they need to stop looking down the noses of everyone and thinking they are the only right ones and the way they live their lives is the way everyone should.....it sucks when you get hit in the face with your own spit......and this is for my niece who if she truly was an adult and a loving person as they claim to be , when you and my children where plotting for my kids to come and live there, you as the adult should have called me first , sit down with me and had a decision....but that never happened did it,,,,i was given your fucking rules after the fact....and one of the reasons that i let them go is called a life lesson in the grass is not always greener and they got it....and they are growing up to be the responsible children that i raised...i know you would like to take credit for them being the way that they are......but here is the news flash doll, i raised them not you.....and look at your own children not mine.....you think you did me a favor , you did no such thing....so if you think you did anything to help me you didn't....you just made it worse.....and i will never ever forgive you, because you ripped my allie from me.....and i can only hope that someday someone pays you in kind, so you can know how it feels.....i am sorry that you always feel the need to cry with 2 loaves of bread under your arms.....you will never be happy as long as money rules your world.....and what's the matter baby you having a tough time, well her is the answer to you remember the day i told you they were foreclosing on my house and you told me every body needed to cut back, that you even had to let you cleaning lady go.....that's your mind sent....you talk about me with money.....once again go to the mirror boy.....and thanks for inviting me for easter..don't worry love i will never set foot in your house again.......and joey, you are nothing but a bully, you should mind your own business.....i have to say i don't like you all that much right now, and this might be the final straw......john and christine were nothing but good to you.....and yes getting my kids through college is the most important thing to me and john.....you should be ashamed of yourself and how do you still live there, have you no conscience,,,,,and patti you surprised me the most.....all you people need to mind your own business......maybe my mother was right about the lot of some of you.....and just like you care about your kids, i care about mine, and what you did was make an already difficult situation worse....i hope you are happy and you can sleep at night cuz what you and my brother hatched up was disgusting,,,,and you forget that you haven't even spoken in years, that when my sister died he had to ask permission to come to the wake.....and as for robert, when you play the stock market you win some and you lose some.....i used to think i had the greatest family in the world.....but the reality is and i have always said it is only about the money.....and you have all been more then kind and generous to me all my life, but i am always getting it thrown up in my face, a very hefty price to pay.......right not if i never see the lot of you it would be fine.....the only one that i will take care of is my sister joann, she is the only one who always know how to mind her own.....and patti when you talked about the guardian papers, it is cuz your daughter is so paranoid about the world.....and what they are going to find out,,,,,i did not give up any rights.....i just signed a paper allowing my daughter to live there and for bringing that up you can go fuck yourself......it must be raining spit in monmouth county these days........i have made mistakes and i will continue to make them, but your children have never made a mistake or done anything wrong in theirs lives, tell me when is the viewing of the walking on the water cuz i would love to be there....i have paid back to karma many times in my life and most of the time i knew what i was paying for.......it is so much fun to watch come around......i lie in my own bed of my own making good or bad......but i have never stood in judgement of your people, cuz ummmmmmit;s not my business,,,,,,oh here is a big news flash john and darleen and others, if it weren't for you mother and father, you wouldn't have a business, you would have nothing......and if you are in trouble of losing your house, well join the club it is a big one, and just like i am to blame for what happened to me, you are to blame for your shit......
i am trying to move on , another reason i moved 200 miles away.....i have things i want to do and i am doing what i can......unlike you i fight my demons every day, and no matter how far i fell or will fall i will pick myself up and carry on.....darl you better pray nothing ever happens to your husband cuz you wouldn't last 2 minutes........and i would love for every negative, not helping matter thing you have said and done to me , be put upon you........and the balls of you to charge my children $800 a month to live there......what you can't afford the payments anymore, maybe you shouldn't have bought so many brown things and you would have money.......god how you could love some people so much and wake up one day with just indifference towards them, not even hate, just indifference, like you really don't matter, cuz you all cuz me way to much stress......and you are not worth it.........i would rather have nothing, then have to deal with all of you.....and joey i know all about you good and bad, you turn on people like a dime......god help you......cuz you wil never stop being miserable and spreading it........i was born alone and i will die that way...but i will be happy living in my little world......i wish you all what i wish for me nothing more nothing less....
these are pages from an old calender datebook that i am pretty sure i gessoed and added some paint and color to first...now when i am journaling anything is game, just like when i make "real art"....i use anything and everything, nothing is save from me......i just go along and do what i feel like doing at any given time........i like workin in spiral books.....one thing i like to do first to the book is lay the first layer down in this case gesso and paint.......and then i just add stuff as live happens....i go back and forth and forward......but i do like to get to a point and say this journal is done....
