IT'S ONLY ROCK -N- ROLL, BUT I LIKE IT....

only rock and roll

ok so if any of you have been following you will know that i am under ankle arrest.........so i have spent a lot of time reading, rock and roll memoirs...i love memoirs.....and when i get into readin any genre.....i become obsessed...oh, did i say that,......and i even from flickering the remote control i found some good rock u mentary's.........one of the things about never , ever having to lie with rockand roll....is that it was always there.......and now that i just a tad jaded.......i think back to music that was the best that rock and rolls and RANDblues have.....it kind of like you get to re write history in someway.....like when you think about you have such a perceptive of it....and music that as fads came and went..............STANDS THE FUCKING TEST OF TIME....when it is great it will always be great........

and now having all these people coming out of the woodwork telling their rock,roll tales......so you have to get your information from as many different places, so you knew what was true and what was not......and let's face it in the 60's and 70's you were always handed your daily dose of the viet nam n rock and roll...right on the 6 o'clock news.....it was a distraction to the real crap that was going on...... i remember some of my first rock and roll shows were with my sister maureen, at the fox theater on flatbush ave, BK.........but more about that another time......

whaT i have been doing under ankle arrest

this is what my silk sofa looks like when i am working in one of my "journal books".....i have supplies from everywhere to everything.....and like..over the place.....literally......and i want to thank my friend maxine for telling me a long time ago, when i was making "art quilts" that you should keep all the supplies that you are working on in a laundry basket.....250 laundry baskets later it kind of has become my default way of organizing my toys of the trade....

 

now where here it's the ADD thing.....i have been given many 3 and 4 letter titles ....any hoo i was so surprised to find out that in england they celebrate the day after my birthday....and we all know how i hate birthdays.....

loved this page.....this is my daughters until this  day and one will be graduating college in may......

this is the cover of a book....oh so i thought i was going to write a little about my process.....first i like to find books ....hardcovers, children, spiral.....i like spiral...and then i go through the book like a play on words and turn the already story, in a story kind of journal of my own.......then i like to add some kind of color to start, sometimes mixed with gesso , sometimes not..i used watercolor, ink pads, paints anything that is the color way goes.....color way very important and get to know and tones too......now i like if some of the pages are going to get sticky....then i go back and pull them apart.....i love the rippnes of the pages. then i add the first layer of fodder that i have around at that time....picking and chosing where it will go....or not...i usually have 2 0r 3 books  at the same time. i must go through each book adding layer upon layer before the book even starts to look good.....and my books are storybooks within themselves....so reading is a must. it's like if i have a box of markers, well today all the books are all going to get marks....if i find a sticker pile, their getting stickers.....new magazine at my door.....well, what do you think it going happen.......i'll save more for another time...but here is a sneak peek at a book with only 3 rounds......

i am sooooooooooooooooooooo done........

substance..

first let me say, that breaking any bones in the body is not recommended....surely i am saying, but how can this slide down a hill cuz some much havoc.....my ankle is not healing like my dr. would like....i am supposed to get hooked up to an electrical black box , that will shoot jolts to my leg bone to stimulate bone growth......and i guess i have a hard time staying still and wearing the big black ugly boot.......

art on the sofa

so i am supposed to stay still, easy you say...i say naught.....so i am once again making art on the sofa, that means i have tons of art supplies surrounding the sofa.......and it is getting messy and i have to clean it up......which requires the big black boot......now i know there are plenty of people that have it worse than me.....but this broken ankle is old and tired and i need to be able to walk distances, and be able to go out for a long period of time.......

messy table

this is not my idea of fun, ..........i have to entertain myself.....i have been reading alot more

good reads

and listening to my ipod........

and making stuff.....

pages

and i was outside the other day and got a shot of a tree......

so really that is what i am up too, could ya get any more boring......i need to get out, i need to go to the city of my birth........and hang......

the red shoe.......

ok, here's the story of a lovely lady.....and a slide down a hill. these are the first sneaks, i hve put on bothe feet.....they are soooooo clean and a half a size to big.....i looka like i have clown feet,,,,,,,and i wore heel all the time...i hope i still fit in all my cowboy boots..

i know it's only rock and roll but i love it.......

ok..while what can i say, i know i keep saying that i am going to post every day.....big lie....but as it goes life goes forward...so let's start by asking "how is your summer going"....tell me darling...tell me anything that will not bore me to crock a dile tears.......well i went out one morning with the idea of having some of those frothy, salty drinks with tequila in them......cinco de mayo...........baby......anyhow i did however wind up with an ankle that looked like a bike that got run over by a garbage truck.......not fun........they locked me up in the old folks home and not ever a good place for the old folks, in fact it is fucking worse.....and as i have told my children if they ever leave me in a place like that i will come back and fucking haunt them for the rest of their lives.......i digress.....so i have been through the surgies, the therapists, the drugs oh the drugs are fun they put you on them.....and them they tell you , you have to go off of them....but can't seem to provide the right kind of drugs...........any way the foot thing is coming along....i can rock steady, if i stand in the big black boot......not very pretty i might say......so i have been working on some journals......you know ever fucking creative type has some kind of journal................... journals.....i have every one since i was 12......here are a few pages

i am trying to hang on to what ever little bit of sanity and myself have left....and i don't want to be cruel or anything .....but anita, hon, what the fuck have you done to yourself......so the only thing that i know for sure is rock n roll always saves my soul................til the next time.......

first let me start off by saying how flattered i am that after all this time, i still live rent free in your head, darling.......how sad that you don't have a real life, and all you can and ever have done is gossip about people.....just make sure that when you are talking about me you get it all right and don't lie...there is no need to lie...i might every word i said, and most of them i have send to people to their faces.....her is the difference when i say i am done ,, i am done.....and if all you fuckers can't handle the truth about yourselves, guess who's problem it is......not mine.....talk all you want talk is very cheap and even cheaper when it comes from you......and as far as sugarman goes as mary ellen said to me one day it is only a flea market....the sad, the very sad thing is it is all you have in your life, it is all most of you have in your life and i wouldn't be proud of it or tell people about it......you folks are nothing but small, small town, small mind, and if you had ideas, they be small too......i will not even ask you to stop talking about me, because it just proves my point about how small you are....have you ever heard of moving on.....and finding something new......just so you know i am laughing, i am not even made, have no reason to say anything to anyone of you, because i don't need too......i have people , and things in my life that you will never have, and i have the greatest gift of all i love myself even in my darkest hours......i have always picked myself up and dusted off and carried on......so print this out and show it to as many people as you please, or better yet just give them the website url so they can follow it themselves.....you are more phoney then a 3 dollar bill and just so you know i am glad you  don't talk to me...you were beginning to bore me to tears.......i have no need or use for you, sugarman's, or the people in there.......if i really give a shit, i would try to figure out the very little peyton place you have going on there, but i am on to bigger and better things .......and remember this i come from a wealthy family, an italian one from brooklyn.....i will never lack for anything......and another thing that i have darling that you will never have or understand is that i have people that love me.....i hug children of my flesh, not animals......now please don't let me have to waste anymore of my time on you and your nonsense...please do yourself a favor and grow up and the next time you feel the need to talk about me try looking me in the eye and saying it to my face.....more proof that everything i thought about, and certain people who i won't even mention becasue they don't fucking matter in my life are just as i thought .....you are so sad........and if you have something to say there is a comment box at the bottom.......

my journals

ok so i was going to post these photos to flickr.....but it is having a fit....so i will post and write about them here.......

these are pages from an old calender datebook that i am pretty sure i gessoed and added some paint and color to first...now when i am journaling anything is game, just like when i make "real art"....i use anything and everything, nothing is save from me......i just go along and do what i feel like doing at any given time........i like workin in spiral books.....one thing i like to do first to the book is lay the first layer down in this case gesso and paint.......and then i just add stuff as live happens....i go back and forth and forward......but i do like to get to a point and say this journal is done....

ok i name names, so if you don't want you name mentioned play nice, oh but i add the nice people too...i must have well over 100 journals as i have send before i have been journaling since i was 12, i have at least 32 books that are just what i call glue books with pictures that i have collected over the years, more on them at another date........

i use a lot of clothing tags, cuz i am forever buying clothes.....another bad habit i picked up when i was 5........and i love stickers and rub ons......did i ever tell you that i have been cutting photos out of magazines since i was 5,(alot started at that age), i used to cut them out and put them under my bed, and at the time i shared a bed with my ocd sister , who used to pull them out from her side and throw them away......my first journal was all animals sadly i don't have that one......rats......

this one is for johnny.........the punk........love and miss him.........

ok i was going to add more photos, but either the web is having a fit or my pc is not co operating with me.....and if by chance you have read any of this please let me know, give me a shout out.....pass the link to friends and such....i would love to hear what you all think......no matter what.......have a good one while the sun is shining.....

so much on my mind

i have so much on my mind...both good and bad.....first i want to say haters are gonna hate, and sometimes haters show up in familiar disguises, i am going to say if you don't like the way someone conducts themselves, and you go down to a mean hurtful level and do fucked up shit to them, you are worse than they are...cuz you preach about knowing better and being better and the reality is you are the shit.....i told some family members a long time ago that they need to stop looking down the noses of everyone and thinking they are the only right ones and the way they live their lives is the way everyone should.....it sucks when you get hit in the face with your own spit......and this is for my niece who if she truly was an adult and a loving person as they claim to be , when you and my children where plotting for my kids to come and live there, you as the adult should have called me first , sit down with me and had a decision....but that never happened did it,,,,i was given your fucking rules after the fact....and one of the reasons that i let them go is called a life lesson in the grass is not always greener and they got it....and they are growing up to be the responsible  children that i raised...i know you would like to take credit for them being the way that they are......but here is the news flash doll, i raised them not you.....and look at your own children not mine.....you think you did me a favor , you did no such thing....so if you think you did anything to help me you didn't....you just made it worse.....and i will never ever forgive you, because you ripped my allie from me.....and i can only hope that someday someone pays you in kind, so you can know how it feels.....i am sorry that you always feel the need to cry with 2 loaves of bread under your arms.....you will never be happy as long as money rules your world.....and what's the matter baby you having a tough time, well her is the answer to you remember the day i told you they were foreclosing on my house and you told me every body needed to cut back, that you even had to let you cleaning lady go.....that's your mind sent....you talk about me with money.....once again go to the mirror boy.....and thanks for inviting me for easter..don't worry love i will never set foot in your house again.......and joey, you are nothing but a bully, you should mind your own business.....i have to say i don't like you all that much right now, and this might be the final straw......john and christine were nothing but good to you.....and yes getting my kids through college is the most important thing to me and john.....you should be ashamed of yourself and how do you still live there, have you no conscience,,,,,and patti you surprised me the most.....all you people need to mind your own business......maybe my mother was right about the lot of some of you.....and just like you care about your kids, i care about mine, and what you did was make an already difficult situation worse....i hope you are happy and you can sleep at night cuz what you and my brother hatched up was disgusting,,,,and you forget that you haven't even spoken in years, that when my sister died he had to ask permission to come to the wake.....and as for robert, when you play the stock market you win some and you lose some.....i used to think i had the greatest family in the world.....but the reality is and i have always said it is only about the money.....and you have all been more then kind and generous to me all my life, but i am always getting it thrown up in my face, a very hefty price to pay.......right not if i never see the lot of you it would be fine.....the only one that i will take care of is my sister joann, she is the only one who always know how to mind her own.....and patti when you talked about the guardian papers, it is cuz your daughter is so paranoid about the world.....and what they are going to find out,,,,,i did not give up any rights.....i just signed a paper allowing my daughter to live there and for bringing that up you can go fuck yourself......it must be raining spit in monmouth county these days........i have made mistakes and i will continue to make them, but your children have never made a mistake or done anything wrong in theirs lives, tell me when is the viewing of the walking on the water cuz i would love to be there....i have paid back to karma many times in my life and most of the time i knew what i was paying for.......it is so much fun to watch come around......i lie in my own bed of my own making good or bad......but i have never stood in judgement of your people, cuz ummmmmmit;s not my business,,,,,,oh here is a big news flash john and darleen and others, if it weren't for you mother and father, you wouldn't have a business, you would have nothing......and if you are in trouble of losing your house, well join the club it is a big one, and just like i am to blame for what happened to me, you are to blame for your shit......

i am trying to move on , another reason i moved 200 miles away.....i have things i want to do and i am doing what i can......unlike you i fight my demons every day, and no matter how far i fell or will fall i will pick myself up and carry on.....darl you better pray nothing ever happens to your husband cuz you wouldn't last 2 minutes........and i would love for every negative, not helping matter thing you have said and done to me , be put upon you........and the balls of you to charge my children $800 a month to live there......what you can't afford the payments anymore, maybe you shouldn't have bought so many brown things and you would have money.......god how you could love some people so much and wake up one day with just indifference towards them, not even hate, just indifference, like you really don't matter, cuz you all cuz me way to much stress......and you are not worth it.........i would rather have nothing, then have to deal with all of you.....and joey i know all about you good and bad, you turn on people like a dime......god help you......cuz you wil never stop being miserable and spreading it........i was born alone and i will die that way...but i will be happy living in my little world......i wish you all what i wish for me nothing more nothing less....

keep kalm and karry on....

keep calm and carry on.....i have been doing it for years aka the game of life, survivor etc.....so what does one do on good friday when they never ever bought into that papal crap that came out of europe in which i can only say the fucking dark ages.......and please tell me it isn't true that the candy is just a bribe.....remember what your parents told you about taking candy from strangers......do you ever fucking wonder how much money corporate america is making off of chocolate easter bunnies......c'on the peeps alone...(nuke for about 10 seconds) awesome.....anyhoo 3 of my  favorite things are in the picture......fashionstying, cards and books.....and yeah i am going to have real printed out photos of my art work and sell them as cards.....i will post where ever people buy things.....and i have paypal......ok so i goT 2 SAD letters today, one that says the bank of america is something something foreclosing on my house, which i find real funny cuz i have been in foreclose process for 4 years now with what ever was that corrupt one{gee that narrowed it down} with washington in there name, you the one that when the shit hit the fan took the largest payout/bonus in corporate history....you 2 fuckers fight it out, you can have it.....just be gone already, i walked away a while ago....i was done before you.....and the other exciting letter is that my unemployment is going to end....but that only means i just have to figure out more ways to earn money....and i do and don;t want to leave the flea market cuz i do make money there, but i have no way of getting there anymore....swear to god true story one of the ladies that picked me up was arrested as she already had an ankle bracelet on her leg and is being held on 250k bail along with her husband another 250k.....and i don;t feel sorry for one bit....greed is not good.....really people, haven;t you all learned that by now....i swear i have seen things that no nyc girl has seen before, and man, i have seen a lot in this life......but i digress so i need transportation, the bus system is only good on sat and i could get a half a day in at best.....but better then nothing........now i really wish my friend carole was here so i could talk to her as i organize my creative space......and sewing and paper, will have separate areas in the house......i think i better add another picture or something and i only use my own.......

look more books ........i love to read and have been catching up on reading cuz i love to read.....now i just finished reading this morning "miss peregrine home for peculiar children" and all i am saying is that i wanted a better ending.......i thought it was an interesting read ...and i loved the old photos's being a collector of them.....but i still wanted a different ending.  i did come up with a few of my own, but dumb me didn;t realize that the book was about time travel.....i see a second book....until the end.....i kind of wanted the kid to be a total loon.....but i think the government already did time travel in the late 50's i think something about monkey's...if my memory serves me well......i think i will go and read L.frank baum.....i think he know  thing or 2 about time travel.....do i go too much, if i was talking to you in person, this pretty much what i would be saying and talking.....ask anyone of the people that know me....whether they like me or not....cuz if you don;t like me that means i stood up for myself and you couldn't handle it....so now you hate on me......news flash i am too small to hate, so i wish everyone in this world the same as i wish for me......and most of yar i don't even think about and time fades lots........i am writing like i am in one of my manic states....oh gee i am////////what joy///////.....i will continue next time.....carry on and keep calm...

is there a song about wednesday's



shema

this is my little kitty cat....i sometimes call her lil bit, cuz she is so small compared to princess and bear.....she is the smartest, funniest cat i ever had....she could be part human, but i don;t think science has done that yet.....

anyway off to finish reading this great book....the one about ms peregrine's home for peculiar children.....so far so good.....i am in reading mode......

and i made/baked this great chocolate from heaven dessert.....1 box of yellow cake mix, musselman;s chocolate filling, a half  bag of coconut flakes and shivered almonds.....mix all in a cake pan......heat oven 350....bake til done stick fork or toothpick in when it comes out clean it is done.....spoon and serve or if you really want add some real whip cream or ice cream.........mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

toxic

this was a smiling happy, not a care in the world me....this is when i first came to sugarman's.....and boy have my thoughts on people changed and i am going to name names know and i hope you all read this cuz i want the world to know what scumbags really are......first let me start off by saying that the people that live in this little neck of the woods that i have come to live in need to find something else to do with their lives except talk about other people and try to take what ever you have cuz , you know what i don't know why.....first i want to say ron darling, you are the biggest phoney of them all.....i am a straight women and i am more gay then you will ever be....you need to learn how to keep you big fucking mouth shut,cuz shit just keeps poring out of it....i saw how you treated sheila, so when you back stabbed me i got it...that is what you do, cuz you are jealous of everyone that does good, you begrudge people everything and you are the biggest crybaby.....maybe you should learn how to be a man cuz you act like a child.....you caused more trouble with me, you were jealous of the relationship that i had with floyd so you opened up that mouth of yours to cause trouble, you talked about him behind his back, and said a lot if not nice things, and even when i asked you to stop telling me shit you continued on.....what was the problem i liked him more then you.....so you created chaos where none existed and goaded me on.....cuz you thrive on that....maybe that why your sister doesn't speak to you and you have no family....i know what my shortcomings are and my defects of character are,,,you think you are a snob, but your nothing but a little snot......and do me favor when people ask about me say nothing turn your face like you did to me that day.....and stop spreading rumors you are good for that too.....and will your at it stop gossiping about everyone, cuz it is going to bite you in the ass , and i hope it is sooner or later.....done with you....

now let's more on to fast eddie, let's see i needed a car, you found out that i lent floyd money and you were the one that told me about the magistrate, to get my money back and you would get me a car....i should have remembered what a slime you were from the first weekend that i was up there, cuz you told me i should be a hooker.....and i gave you a piece of my ny mind......so with you and ron pushing me to get my money from floyd, you because you wanted my money and ron , and we are done with him, but he couldn't stand the relationship......and what i winded up doing was losing one of the only friends i had up here, treated him badly, embassed him,i made a fool out of myself cuz one ws greedy and the other was jealous.......then to make matter worse ed, you doubled the price of the car, just so you can have the money that i freely lent floyd.....and by the way i don't understand how all of you say the nastiest things behind people's backs and when they are in front of you , you are all smiley.....and 2 weeks later the car blows up and you don't even say your sorry, and when another friend tells you you should give me the money you made off of the car, you play dumb.....karma got me for what i did to floyd and i can't wait till karma catches up with you......so i was stupid enough to listen to the both of you......and guess what you couldn't shine floyd's shoes.......you want this taught me is that i never want to be like either of you......i would rather stay crazy ole me and live through my heart.....then live through my wallet.....see here is the thing.....i come from a great family and i will never do without, and their is always someone that has my back....is that what your problem is....i am woman and i have more balls then the both of you put together as a matter of fact my balls are so big i have to put them on my chest to keep from chafing......and you know what i find even more amusing is that you can't even look me in the eye and i will stare both you motherfuckers down........you were never my friend cuz you don't know the meaning of the word......and ron if you think i disrespected you maybe you deserved it and someone had to do it and i was lucky it was me.....cuz you are a phoney to everyone i have seen it in action......i will forgive the both of you, because the forgiveness is for me, but i will never forget.....and you really do have to watch out for italians from brooklyn cuz

what i have been reading....

i love to read..i think reading is one of the greatest gifts....and i will say that i have learned more from reading books that i ever learned in school.....and got into constant fights in any class that taught history.....cuz all those teachers lied or didn't read enough books on the subject......            i can understand people that can't read i can teach you...and i have come across many how can't....but won't i don't understand is people who DON'T read.....one of the best things about my childhood was a newspaper we got every month, and you can order books and only books and every month i was allowed to order 5 books... i had a father who bought me books, a truly smart man.....and thank you for giving me the love of books and reading.....just a side note the people that have had to move my books for me not so happy that i love to read.......

anyway last week i read this bio on chanel.....i think she was a wonderful artist, i would say ahead of her time but i have read many books from that era and it was just TIME.....i would say that she was a genius, but come on she didn't split the atom.....she just invented and sold a style of dressing that still exists....but some fun....she didn't own chanel #5....she had some fun friends that i would have love to hang out with.....she was generous to her friends and family most of her life......and sipped a lot of tea with the nazi;s.......i am just saying.......and i would love to own anything that she made.....but in my life it would kind of be chanel car, chanel car, and i would have to say the car will win.........

the next book i read was about the imperial royal russian family the romanovs.....let me just say this they all died that fateful night, the whole family.....it was not a good night for the romanovs and their loyal servants......lenin was mean....it was proven with DNA....any one that claimed to be part of the royal dead family is nothing but a lair.....i am starting to read "miss peregrine's home for peculiar children.....and all things oz......get off the internet and crack open a real book.......

ebay.....

just a short little note to say that i am listing some stuff for sale on ebay.....my ebay name is fabrika57 come and take a look....

this is my life......

i posted the fall out shelter cuz when i get done with a few of the scumbags from sugarman's flea market, their going to need it....not pulling any punches and i have no problem naming names....but i have never met such a bunch of lowlives in my life, and you all know who i mean....they'll stab their own mother's in the back for a dollar....all i can say is i paid karma, hope i can be around to watch it be paid back.....and be careful who you ask for help, cuz their are so many thieves up here in good ole PA.....snake you are a snake and a thief and will remain a junkie for the rest of your life....cuz that's just who you are....once again karma needs to pay someone a visit, and if i ever see someone in this area with my boots on i will rip them off their fucking feet with no problem.....i am sorry that all you people never had anything in your lives, and the only way to get it is to steal.....here is the good news as long as i am not the stealer all is good.....cuz i am one of the have's......and let me tell you what i have that most of you will never have and suffer from lack of... A FAMILY THAT LOVES ME AND WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ME..... I AM BLESSED and your not.....too bad......and if most of you were on fire and i had a glass of water, i'd drink it......

now for the good news i am listening to the one and only johnny thunders......the king of punk.....love you baby and you were taken way too soon..... cleaning up my studio and can't wait til i can start to work in it....i am planning on making ooak (one of a kind) children's clothing line , from vintage clothing and fabric, just have to find a place to sell them, cuz they would never go for the selling point at sugarman's.....speaking of which god please open another door for me and let me have the courage and faith to walk through it cuz the flea market is getting real tired , if you know what i mean.....it was a blast , oh yeah and now it is time to find something new......i need to be around creative people and not money hunger people......

and i know today is friday the first day that sugarman's is open on a friday and i rather be at home cleaning my studio then there....you can all tell me how it went tomorrow......but i can't be there any longer then i have too.....it messes with my peace of mind....but getting back to it's friday i am making porkchops with apples, onions and mushrooms, with real mash potatoes....know the catholics skin just crawled.....but when i die i think the last thing god is going to take into consideration is my diet.......

tuesday......

Ok so I am just gonna say this  I LOVE MY CHILDREN…….they are really great kids…..and no matter what all you fuckers out there think…..i raised them “right’ and they know the right from wrong…..and you know what side of the line you need to say on……you are my girls…..

A note from me all correct grammar and spelling is due to spell check…..i had nothing to due with it…..any hoo, I am working on the big book of sugarman’s check last blog for photos…..and the other day I happened upon a video of teehsa moore’s….real kool artist…and I am making my interpretation of what  I saw…..i am having fun doing this working on the floor in the living room…..i am making borders and I added pages from an old dictionary random house I think….i like dicktionaries……and the pages are sticking and peeling apart, and I love it all just part of the charm….why do ya think it is called raw edge studio, silly…

….any way off to sort through clothes and shoes……I wish I didn’t love the war-drobe that I have built over the years…..i have stuff I just can’t get rid of…..oh yes I can at the right price…..ok…..till later…

…and I just want to say that It is not fair in life that when one wants children so badly and had the hardest time getting them, and then having 2 taken away too young is just not right…..my heart is with you….i love you aunt marie and uncle al…..always have…..

good stuff

ok so you know this blog is the rant and what ever the fuck happens in my life....cuz, i moi, live one interesting and fascinating life....i am like the life style of the poor and infamous.....what can i say i was always an outsider.....never ran with the in crowd, i was the in crowd. that;s me at my daughter's graduation with my step grandchild......i am not ready to do granny and i don't know if i ever will be...but he sure is one cute guy.

so here i am in the new place did i tell you all that i moved to the projects in scranton, and everyday, i say to myself "self how the fuck did you wind up here" i don't know how but i know why and i will be here for another 3 years and then i have to get back to the city of my birth , somehow, someway, i have to get back to nyc.....but the good news is that my daughter finally got instate tuition today so we have to be here till graduation.......this is my bedroom still filled with bins and bags with my clothes.....i came from a 10 room house, with a finished basement and a room that just held my clothes and a huge studio space......to the tiniest 4 room apartment that ever was......god didn't i used to be a princess in another life........and i love my clothes, cuz they are not just clothes they reflect who i am and what i love and i have my own style.....and clothes are important to me.....i fucking love clothes......and i have some clothes forever, and we don't ever discuss all the clothes that i had from london, italy and paris, and that great shoe store ej robbins, that got ruined in a flood......one of the goals of the week is to get all my clothes in order and it is not easy........but i will do it and get rid of the clothes that just don't work for me anymore.....i like natural fabric, wool, cotton, linen, silk,...soft and easy, but black and punk, and with silver on them......i have no intention of every going back to work for corporate america, so i can get rid of what i call my stuffy work clothes.....although my work clothes were not as stuffy as some........

and then i have to get my studio in order......i hate moving, and yeah i have a lot of stuff, but that is because i always took care of the stuff that was important to me.......i will show before and after photos.......today i am going to work on setting up the bathroom, i got a new shower curtain and rug......ok will i don't have all that much to say today......except i am breathing a little easy and my beautiful daughter gets to stay in school......all is good.....

i just want to breathe.............

on so many levels, you have no idea.....i hate when i feel sick and i get this bronco stuff in my chest......as if my head where not foggy enough all the time.....it now feels heavy and foggy and stuffy......maybe the mountain air isn't what i need......anyway i am here til allie finishes school....i have so much to do and no energy to do it....i hate when that happens.....so i am putting stuff in it's place as i see it....i have to hang the living room curtains today.....and they need to be ironed first.....but i found the pole that i need to hang them......i have been sleeping so much, but i think that when you don't feel so well , sleep might just be the thing you need.......i have to take all these stupid meds.....that i don;t even remember if i take right anymore......

i just want to feel normal again..........hahahahahahah that is funny......cuz why would i want to feel normal.....and what is it anyway....i need to get this house in  order.......and get allie settled at school.....i always have so much to do, even when i don;t feel like doing it.......

de winter cough/throat/i can't breathe thing.......

anyway i said i would blog everyday and i meant it...but i was feeling under the weather.....went to the doctors i saw i thought i was in the office's of tweedledee and tweedledum.......but they gave me some meds, what else are doctors now except pill dispensers for major drug companies.....and here is the real fucking fact people.....people have wanted drugs since, fred rode dino........             

so anyway i have to stay creative, it is one of the only possible ways for to stay out of trouble, which i have no cause for, but seems to always have my name on it......so while i wist my days at sugarman's and let me tell you there is nothing sweet about it......no sugar, ahh honey, honey.....no none of that......i am making a JOURNAL/ALTERED/ART/SNARKY BOOK.....a few side notes.....i did not prepare any of the pages....so it is raw.....and i can only use stuff found at the market, which is like saying anything goes.....i am having a hard time getting color down, but will do the best i can.....it is interesting how many quotes and lines that you hear everyday came from.....and how thay changed over time and yet remain the same.......

so i am still up to my neck in boxes....how long .....i am going to go and work on putting my studio together together.....and the bathroom.....found a shelf i can use in there....i need narrow furniture.....and i got a kool all wood bookcase yesterday....and myer bought it home for me and i put books on it.....have to have books....so my books were the first thing to be put away....and i am still putting them away.....and i freak to think that i lost at least 4 book cases of books in a burst pipe incident that i really don't like to talk about......i couldn't even look, i had to just walk away......something that i am very good at.....walking away......going to go be a productive member of society......oh yeah.....

it's here again

Ok so I am gonna hafta, write in word cuz I keep losing stuff that I write…..i hate to write in word, it fixes grammar and spelling that I know is “WRONG’ but I know….it is wrong so it is not write…..and I have the rite to write you know……well I have my yearly bronco in the chest shit that I get every year between fib and march……I know when it arrives and I know what I need to do…..but this year they gave me steroids….and I have to say it is going away faster and I feel better…..cuz I was in bed for almost 4 days and did nothing but sleep……which I think I needed it…..or I would not have slept so long…….and I got the chill out…..it snows every morning and never sticks…..i like the country up here…..now I live in hilltop….and I am on the fucking top of the mountain….i feel like heidi, not to be confused with Heidi Klum……heidi who lived on the mountain with her old grandfather…….so I finally have real tv after being without it for almost 2 months……and didn’t have internet access for almost 2 weeks…..you can live without anything……ok, today I swore if I had any energy I would try to straighten out the studio…….but the day is young….

almost done

ok, today we make the last run to the new place......tonight i sleep there.....last night a friend that i can always count on showed up moved my stuff for me at 10o'clock at night....i love when i do stuff with him, it is always like a dope deal down to we were with the uhaul, making cash withdrawals at the atm at 1:30 in the morning.......and you def know your in ghettoland when it is after 12 and people are walking their infants out at night.......god i am gonna need a big dog........next photos of the new place........i need to make a cozy home for myself.......

still moving stuff on the truck and why did i just not stick to my original plan.....

these were nuts that i was eating the other night, i like raw nuts that you can crack, with a good fashioned nutcracker.....and their good for you to boot.......ok the answer to that question is cuz i always have to do it the hard way, cuz it don't come easy "right" george.....so by tomorrow i hope to have all my stuff out of here and if no thurs is just as good as any day and i am not going to panic......nope.....

packing up the truck 101

here are some "journals" from the last 10 years there are more, there just in a different place.  so right now i am into packing 101 the easier way to move a lot of stuff, i want to move all my studio stuff today.....i took the 3 white shelves from sugarman's......and i have the white craft cabinets here.....so all the furniture with be white for now.....but white is good, cuz all my baskets and boxes are different colors....and i have some vintage boxes that will show up great against the white......tomorrow i tackle my clothes......you don't even want to know.........but i am so into moving.....out of this place.......